“Congrats, you passed!”

26th of August, 2016.

That is the date when the examiners said the words on the title to me right after challenging me with questions on my final thesis entitled “Analyzing Determinant Factors and Guidelines for SMEs to Enter E-Commerce”. The date which summarizes as the best four years of the whole education journey i’ve conquered. In this very post, i feel like its only right to share my growth in the studying environment. Its very important to put my thoughts into words so i could possible get back in the future and read all these but i also wouldn’t mind any readers to know me more.

So Naz and Readers, This is Her.

November 2015 she turned 21, God made her think ever since of the surrounding that shaped her to be who she is today.

she never consider herself as a smart student in school. she never did stress out over scores below 50 in elementary school, she had always thought thats just who she is. and those few scores above 50 are probably just mistakes her teachers made.

the one time she thought she was capable was when she kept on getting 70, 80, and sometimes 90 for maths in junior high school. no, she wasn’t capable because of herself. it was because of that one very passionate teacher she used study with. why is she so sure of it? because she still gets below 70
in other classes.

various kinds of international programs and modules came along by high school. she got very few A(s) on her report card and one of them happened to be business studies. it sure did motivate her to dig into business more, although she then realised her business teacher was into selling cosmetics in class more than giving her an appropriate scoring.

her parents were always told she was quiet in class. after every parental meeting they would discuss about that homeroom teacher who commented on how silent she has been. They knew she was someone who was not confident or rather an introvert, but they never knew why.

during all those years she was never confident of her brain. she would always prevent getting into studies conversations when they visit families during holidays. she was always afraid for anyone to judge that she wasn’t capable.

September 2011 she moved to the lion country for a one year foundation program. she had more work load in a limited time more than she ever did. there was no free or affordable tutor, so she did it all alone. she surprisingly got 2 distinction scores, she could have also thought that wasn’t her but there was nobody else to claim.

A year later she moved to a known International Business School in Jakarta, the teaching method and her previous studying experience in Singapore motivated her in pursuing more. She got very active in class and outside class such as in student council, educational expo, social work, etc. she began to get good grades in her classes. she gets very nervous in getting her GPA every end-of-semester, never did she failed to smile when receiving them. cumulatively she’s got a GPA of 3.5 by the 7th semester.

for most people those numbers are impressive to enter great companies or to get great positions, but for her its just a self award. she overheard her closest people saying this time its also wasnt her. they haven’t spent a single hour in where she studies but they said she got lucky because the university is easy. This time she doesn’t care.

thinking about others is a waste of time after all. she knows it was all her. she knows she is capable of focusing on her studies while living her youth. she is doing it for herself and not to impress anybody else. No, she still doesn’t think she’s smart; but at least she’s capable.

Today she realizes that the best feeling to get is not to be someone everyone else praises or dreams to be. the best feeling comes from within, only yourself knows how capable you are and when you have tried your full potential to be the best version of yourself.. there you got it.

love,

Naz.

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