seeking lights

its midnight (12.38 a.m to be exact) and i cant sleep. everything is dark except for this phone I’m typing on and the midnight thought i have in mind.

I was at a dark place the past 7 months, it was the me with a contaminated mind, almost like someone else lived inside my body. I had to battle thoughts, feels, fears and tears every few days. It was all dark, i couldnt find lights.

My battle hasn’t stopped but the lights are starting to show. I seek for peace within me by getting so much closer to God. As cliche as it may sound, i feel so much better. Everything is so much lighter, and i get to think more of what is right and what is not.

Im still surrounded by many, but i dont open up to most. I know whom to get close to and whom to stay in distance for. Everyone is nice, but not everyone is for me. 

The group of friends i’m very close with would leave me out of every inside joke and discussion, the movement I thought I had the same vision with started to lie to the public and to myself, The group of friends I used to be closest with’s lifestyle is way too much to keep up with, The project I invested some cash for doesnt look like its working, and those who started to call it love are just boys collecting hearts in a jar.

now on Im only alone before i close these eyes at night, but i dont feel alone as i wake up. Im surrounded by the love i believe i deserve. The closest people who never left, whos always there when i need them most. I could count all of them with just fingers on my hands but Im at the stage of life feeling a very peaceful state of mind. 

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